Author: Brett Evans

Brett Evans is the author of Ready-to-Eat Individual (with Frank Sherlock), Slosh Models, and the forthcoming I Love This American Way of Life.

He is a member of the carnival microkrewe 'tit-Rəx.

He lives on the lee of the Bayou St. John levee in New Orleans, LA.

from Versus Verses


Suicidal ideation vs. reaper madness
the koan vs. the koala
the Koran vs. Klan Porn
up in smoke v. poofters
the hoagie v. the po-boy
the line-break v. the bread line
Rosa Parks vs. Naked Eyes
camisole vs. ripaway jersey
Friend of the Animals vs. Boner of Men
reef chameleon v. loan shark
the peach vs. the pendulum
maintenance spanking vs. Hamgate
fire sign vs. fire sale
end game v. booty call
Victoria Secrets v. Pterodactyl Nights


Blue Plate v. Ville Platte
Phantom menace v. phantom man-ass
Mayonnaise v. Oughtists
Pablo’s blue period vs. Kind of
Dead Man’s faves v. Disposable historical marker series
Anti-Underdog v. ragtime superfan
The Nudes v. the blueprints
flood car v. regatta culo
red white & blue v. black & blue
Green Ash v. Snoball
Mid-City Bureau Chief v. Apollo + Heidi
Face Transplant Surgery v. tweeting
(See My) loft space v. My luftwaffen or yours


overtopping of levees vs. muffin top
tattoo parlor vs. flavors of ice cream
Hansel + Gretel v. Mary Jane detritus in the vacuum bag
perf art v. a rural silence
# playing house vs. nerf out over the graves


Black History Month v. National Truck Month
encore azaleas v. funny people big feet
Nemesisterhood v. Mothership
dumpsters-in-law v. State Attorneys General
Excessive permeability v. taut A-hole @ PowerPoint
Regency England v. Late century pain relief
Alexandria v. Easybake Oven
Burqha the mermaid v. Egypt, these hips don’t lie
Detroit, I do mind v. dying
Monster Truck Apology v. Gorilla ran off w/ my antibiotics
Run for your life v. Goodbye, Ben Gazarra
syllabi v. alibi
Sexy v. Styxy
underwater mortgages v. bathtub gin


hamburger helper vs. hangover helper
prom dress v. arctic garb
chunk of change vs. cheese of the day
sissy bounce v. Sisyphus rox
roots I would stew v. Liverpuldians you wd [do]
Safety dance v. safety word
Cocoa-koala v. cacao
Xtreme mathletes vs. methletes
Robert Frost v. Robert Plant
Feist v. fist
drooping onion v. blooming undies
the bed is my table v. Vatican Monologues
Pret-a-porter v. Wereyat
ool v. luh
jailed elf v. free radical


leatherhead vs. feather-fig aegis
hibiscus vs. hillbilly-face
rank insubordination v. eye-hydra coordination
7 Minutes in Heaven vs. Next Friday Night
Ivory blouse w/ black accents by Louis vs. Sweetheart neckline by Puritan Forever Young
Chinese purple v. Egyptian blue
waning moon in Yemen v. Brazilian waxing in Kenner
Pretty titties v. The Soloist
precog v. pre-cops
To Empower as Jesus Did v. The Hare Krishna Character Type
Deer neckline by Girly v. Yellow mini dress by Do & Be
Epicurean Ethics: How Memory Shapes Narratives: Katastematic Hedoism A Philosophical
        Essay on v. Redeeming the Past
Flat and Fucked 4 vs. Tori Black’s Afterschool Special
Gordian knot v. lake lacquer layers
Sacred geography v. salute the stalks
Nacho Vidal, Sexual Messiah vs. Pound it


Homesome v. Hommaged
Honest-ish vs. Honey-good-gracious
Hoolybuss v. Hurling weather
Revenge of the Petites vs. Busty Invaders from Mars
milkness v. perqueef
Hud vs. Hoff
Pink slime v. Red Dawn
Pink slime vs. foraminiferal ooze
Pink slime v. Japanese ghost ship
Pink slime vs. adversary identity
Pink slime v. That’s not hangover music, dude
Pink slime vs. The Shining Path
Pink slime v. The Golden Rule
Banana peel vs. pink slip
Free Sean Payton v. Free Willy 2
Obigation of Restoration of a Stolen Thing vs. Extent of Vendor’s Privilege
Sunny Leone Goddess v. Occupy My Ass
Co-workers Gone Bad vs. Trouble at the Slumber Party
Hog-over-high v. Isle of Wight
Chemotherapy vs. Bjork
Let’s fuck v. Let’s walk
Riding the Flying Pig vs. Hello, Good Night


Huckapoo blouse v. Wal-Mart watermelon
Heart of my heart vs. Mark of my market
the planet Venus v. another plane
Swing States vs. another wha in the brick-in
Black Panther vs. rad vampire
tow-headed boys v. red-ended girls
Southern Man v. Stunt Woman
Tank Man vs. Nastia Lukin
Roe v. Wading Pool
Amber waves of v. America the Brutal
Triple header vs. Triple shitter
bow tie pasta v. botox/notox rasta
outlaws v. inlaws
Diary on bed vs. Heads on the wall
special interests v. special sauce
Under the Crescent City Connection v. 20 cc’s
Narc-flavored shag vs. Poetry contracts
B-bomb Iran via Iraq vs. Badabing
apres-ski v. avalanche
Live Act vs. love tap
Secrete vs. serviced


                    {TAB MY TABLOID}

Boarding pass v. toy gato
TSA v. TS El
Shining the Flying Pink Path 9 vs. Thai Air Belles 11
Sirhan Sirhan vs. Duran Duran
Anapest v. Budapest
Cupid v. possession arrow
aubergine vs. Audie Cornish
tab v. pibb
McRib vs. McGovern
mile high club v. billy club
burner phone v. parts per million
Elvis Costello v. Elvis Grbac v. Elvis Polanski
round robin tournament at Shamrock’s vs. odd, no, for a shamrock to be possessive?
three coins in the fountain vs. 3 ass-cheeks
codex rock vs. rallies round the Joan of Arc statue
Squalid as I am,
from almost the moment we travel [,] I always manage
                                                             to meet people
                                                                [hic- cup]
                                                             pick people up